


Here for you

by Misaki_0415



Series: To my Beloved: Thank you 🤍 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi please take it easy qwq, Akaashi pushing himself too hard, Bokuaka-Freeform, Bokuto: anxiety begone don't touch my Keiji, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Haikyuu-freeform, Kissing, Living Together, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Self expectations, Self pressure, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:56:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misaki_0415/pseuds/Misaki_0415
Summary: His thoughts and own expectations pressured him so much it began to devour the ravenette bit by bit. Refusing to disappoint anyone, Akaashi tried to cope with his anxiety as he pushed himself to the limit—but Bokuto wasn't about to let his lover tire himself."Keiji...you have me."
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: To my Beloved: Thank you 🤍 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989328
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Here for you

**Author's Note:**

> It's easy to have high expectations (which isn't a bad thing to have sometimes) but it's easy to end up pressuring ourselves—just know you're doing amazing and remember to take a rest every once in a while! Don't push yourself too hard and take it easy; your health is always the priority uwu  
> I hope you enjoy reading it!

“Keiji! You’re back early today. Did something happen at work?”

Bokuto asked as he poked his head out of the bedroom upon hearing the door opening and slamming shut. Akaashi had his back turned to him with his hand still on the knob, staring into the distance as if he hadn’t heard Bokuto. 

_Hm? Did he not hear me?_

“Kei~ji~!” Bokuto sang as he skipped towards Akaashi and flung his arms around Akaashi. This time, Akaashi heard him loud and clear, and jumped in response. 

“Ahh! Kou, what are you doing?” Akaashi laughed as he patted his chest, trying to calm his poor startled heart thumping wildly against his chest.

“Hm? I called out to you but you didn’t seem to hear me, so I came over and made sure you heard me this time.” Bokuto flashed him a sheepish smile. “Why are you home early today? It’s only 3 in the afternoon, and you’re usually still at work.”

“Oh...” Akaashi’s smile gradually disappeared as he turned his head away from Bokuto, racking his brain to find a reason that wouldn’t make him worry. Yet, being unable to come up with anything, he simply shrugged and gave him a weak smile as he started to unbutton his coat. 

“...Keiji, what’s wrong? Were you bullied at work?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.” Akaashi mumbled as he fumbled to unbutton his coat. His hands were shaking terribly out of fatigue, and he sighed while forcefully yanking on the buttons in frustration. The buttons made a clinking sound as they dropped to the floor, rocking back and forth for a bit before coming to a stop. Akaashi stared at the buttons with a blank expression before snapping out of it and kneeling down to pick up the buttons.

“Keiji, are you...okay?” Bokuto peered at Akaashi’s pale face, suddenly realizing Akaashi had huge dark circles under his eyes and his lips were ghastly pale. 

“...Hm? I’m fine, just a bit tired...I’m not sure if I have the time or stamina to cook today, so you might need to order takeout today.” Akaashi gave him an apologetic look as he started to walk towards his study room. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine, I don’t really mind—” Bokuto reached out to pull Akaashi into a tight embrace, but the tired young man suddenly quickened his pace, dodging Bokuto’s grasp. He slipped inside his study room and locked the door, leaving a very confused Bokuto standing in the living room with his arm held out.

“...Keiji?” 

Bokuto looked at the abandoned buttons lying on the table and the sewing kit sitting not so far away. He didn’t know why Akaashi came home from work early, why he kept spacing out, or why he simply wasn’t himself. But he knew that the least he could do was try and help shoulder his burdens. Needlework certainly wasn’t one of the things he was good at, but sewing the buttons back in place should be a task he could handle.

“Alright, I’ve seen Keiji do this countless times; I’ll just do it how he usually does it.” Bokuto mumbled as he gave his bandaged wrist a determined glare before squinting and carefully threaded the needle. He hummed a catchy tune, unaware of what was happening in Akaashi’s study room.

_What...am I doing..._

Just minutes ago, he had purposely avoided Bokuto’s grasp. He didn’t know what came over him—his legs brought him to his study room and before he knew it, his hands were fumbling to lock the door. He turned and slammed his back against the door, the sudden dizziness bringing him to his knees aggressively as his fragile consciousness faded in and out. He hugged his knees and allowed his tears to stream down his cheeks—despite there was no reason for him to cry. 

Yet he could barely take it anymore—his deadlines ran through his mind and cornered him constantly, banging on every corner of his head. He bit his lip and refused to let his cries slip out of his lips, shaking his head furiously as he covered his ears with enough force to make them throb and heat up. 

_“Hey Akaashi, take an early leave.”_

Akaashi sprung up with his ears still covered and frantically looked around the room. No, he was imagining it—to be more precise, he was visualizing what had happened earlier this day. He staggered a few steps backwards until his back hit the wall, and slumped to the floor as his coworker Udai’s words ran through his head.

_“Udai, I’m fine...”_

_“You’re not. You fainted trying to get a cup of coffee—you’ve obviously overworked yourself. Just go home and get some rest.”_

“I’m...so weak...I keep causing trouble for Udai and the others...” Akaashi mumbled as he dragged himself up from the floor. “I need to stop being such a burden...”

He plopped himself down on a chair and turned on his laptop, ready to get on with his work. His fingers flew across the keyboard furiously as words continuously spilled onto the screen, his vision gradually blurring from overflowing tears.

_“Akaashi, I’m so disappointed...”_

Akaashi’s hand flew away from the keyboard as he jumped up, startled. 

_“What is this worthless article you’re trying to submit? Please don’t tell me that’s all you’ve got...”_

Akaashi shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to block out the visuals of his nightmare; yet the image of his disappointed coworkers kept flooding into his mind. With every step he took down the imaginary corridor, his coworkers were shaking their heads and giving him a dismayed look. One after another...until he reached the end of the corridor. 

“No...please...”

His heart thumped frantically against his chest, the unbearable tension causing him to fiddle with his fingers unconsciously. There, at the end of the corridor, stood a young man with silvery, spiky hair. His luminous golden eyes pierced through Akaashi coldly, his words seemingly slurred to the ravenette’s ears.

_“Keiji...”_

“No, please...Kou, it’s not like that...”

_“...”_

“No...Kou, I’m stronger than this...I swear...”

Akaashi reached out to the ceiling as if trying to grasp a hand to pull him out of his misery, only for him to whimper in frustration as his fingers wrapped around nothingness. The raven-haired man allowed his hand to fall to his side limply. It was all in his imagination, yet it seemed so realistic he couldn’t help but be terrified if that day were to come.

_I will never be good enough._

...

“Argh!!” Akaashi brought his fist down onto the keyboard and clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction after countless cycles of proofreading and retyping the article. He glared at the screen—which seemed almost ominous to him now.

“?! Keiji?” Upon hearing the scream, Bokuto rose from the slumber he had fallen into while waiting for Akaashi to come out of his study room and hurried to the source of the cry. He tried to turn the knob but soon realised it was locked, so he resorted to frantically knocking on the door.

“Keiji, are you hurt? Why is the door locked?” Bokuto knocked even harder as his face twisted in pain at his throbbing wrist and pounding heart when he heard no response from Akaashi, the worst scenarios playing in his head. “Please, open the door, Keiji!”

“...I’m fine.”

In a subdued tone, Akaashi whispered softly behind the door, silencing the panicked knocks almost instantly. Bokuto froze, his raised hand slowly falling to his side quietly. He bit his lip and turned his back to the door, slumping to the floor numbly as he leaned on the door for support. He could hear it all in that short, simple response—his frustration, his fatigue, his agitation. 

Yet he couldn’t do anything to help him—after all, Akaashi was never fond of relying on others. Bokuto hugged his knees close to him, racking his brain for a way to help Akaashi without him knowing. He stared at the ceiling concentratedly until his thoughts were interrupted by a quivering, muffled cry behind the door.

“Ugh...I...hope Kou doesn’t think...I’m short-tempered or useless...”

_...Oh Keiji...I would never..._

Bokuto got up and tiptoed back to the living room, treading as light as possible in fear of exposing the fact he had overheard Akaashi’s confession. He looked around the room, wondering if there was anything he could do to lighten Akaashi’s burdens, even just the slightest bit. Unable to come up with anything, he shuffled to the kitchen in search of a drink to clear his head. That was when a note stuck on the fridge caught his eye.

“Ah...the groceries.” Bokuto mumbled as he gently pulled the note off the fridge. “I’ll do the chores after I make a trip to the store.”

Bokuto put on a jacket and slipped out quietly through the door, swallowing his yelp and flinching at the numbing pain from using his injured wrist to turn the knob. Yet the inevitable ‘click’ from the closing door still reached Akaashi’s ears. Akaashi looked up from the screen and got up to unlock the door, poking his head out to glance at the door.

“Kou...?” Akaashi called out into the empty living room. He slipped out of the room and headed outside, noting that the memo on the fridge was gone as he walked past the kitchen. He stared at the fridge as if in thought before kneeling down to hug his knees.

“I forgot to head out to do some grocery shopping...Kou must have gone out in my place.” Akaashi muttered quietly. “But his wrist...”

_What have I been doing today? For the whole day...just what have I been doing?_

“I messed up at work, still haven’t finished writing the article despite the fact that I’ve been working on it _for hours_ ,” Akaashi muttered bitterly, tousling his hair in irritation. “Not only that, I let Kou do my grocery shopping when he has a _twisted_ wrist. I—”

_I need to go out to find him. Now. I can’t allow his injury to worsen._

His footsteps were supposed to lead him to the door—to lead him outdoors so he could go find Bokuto. Yet as if reluctant to go out, he turned away from the door and made his way to the fridge instead. His hands reached out to the apron draped carelessly on the kitchen counter, ready to whip up some dinner. When he finally snapped out of his funk, a few simple dishes had already been laid out on the dining table.

“...I cooked dinner in the end...” Akaashi sighed. “How long has it been since he went out...?”

Akaashi trudged to the bathroom without any intention to touch the food on the table. He ran the water and stared at the rising water level blankly. He turned off the shower tap and took off his clothes, carefully dipping his feet into the water. When he made sure the bath wasn’t too hot, he immersed himself in water. 

Akaashi shifted slightly and watched as ripples formed on the surface, disturbing the calm waters. He soaked his exhaustion away, sighing as drowsiness began creeping in.

...

Meanwhile, Bokuto was walking home slowly with a big shopping bag in the hand that he hadn’t injured. He had also bought some onigiri, Akaashi’s favourite food, in addition to the stuff on the list. An owl plushie caught his eye as he passed by a store filled with stuffed toys.

“I’m sure Keiji told me to stop buying plushies but...I’m sure one more won’t hurt!” Bokuto grinned to himself as he went inside the store. “I wonder how Keiji’s doing now...”

...

Akaashi stepped out of the tub, the droplets tracing his collarbones and trickling down his chest glimmered under the light. He wiped the fogged mirror, his hand stopping at the sight of a red mark on his collarbones. He touched the red mark with his fingertips gently as Bokuto’s face flashed in his mind. 

“I’m so sorry Kou...” He bit his lip and turned away from the mirror. “I’ve been a terrible person today.”

After drying himself and slipping into a fresh set of pyjamas, he slipped into the bedroom quietly, throwing himself onto the bed and allowed his tears to silently fall as today’s incidents, including the visuals of his nightmare, ran through his head. 

_I’m so, so tired...I hate that I’m so weak and useless. Why do I keep messing up? I keep troubling others—I even let Bokuto go out to do shopping when he has an injured wrist! If I hadn’t mourned I would have remembered and did the shopping myself. Can’t I do anything right? I don’t want anyone to see me in such a pathetic state...no one would want to see me now—even I don’t want to see myself right now. Utterly, truly, ridiculous. Just what is my purpose..._

_Bokuto would be so ashamed—no, he’d be so disappointed in me._

“Nngh...Hu...argh!!!” Akaashi shrieked as he sprung up and hung his head down, sobbing and screaming into the sheets. It had been forever since he broke down like this, but the pressure he had put on himself, combined with all the stress he had been put under lately, had finally made him snap. His tears spilled down his cheeks furiously as he screeched in agony. His head throbbed and his fingers began to go numb, the blood draining from his cheeks. He choked on his cries and coughed vigorously, falling back onto the mattress as his fist pounded on the pillow in agitation. 

...

“Ahh, I’m home...Hm?” Bokuto looked at the food on the dining table with a puzzled face. “I thought Keiji wasn’t cooking today?”

He set the groceries onto the table and noticed the study room door was wide open. 

“The bathroom lights are on...” Bokuto peeked into the bathroom and glanced at the wet bathtub. “He didn’t even touch the food on the table, did he...”

Bokuto took a quick shower and headed out to the living room, ready to dig in. All of a sudden, he heard Akaashi scream, causing him to turn on his heel and rush towards the bedroom. He flung the door open, allowing light to invade the dimly lit bedroom. Akaashi’s hand flew to his mouth as he hurriedly pulled the sheets over him, alas, his muffled whimpers sounded deafening in the hushed surroundings. 

“Keiji...” Bokuto whispered, a pang of pain tugging at his heart upon seeing Akaashi in such an inadequate state.

“G-Go away...” A muffled, hoarse voice whispered in response.

“...I’m not letting you escape again.” Bokuto murmured as he held Akaashi, who was still hiding under the sheets, in his arms. Akaashi poked his head out of the ‘roll’ Bokuto had wrapped him in with the sheets and stared at Bokuto with puffy, bloodshot eyes, his lips quivering.

“Let it all out, Keiji.” Bokuto gently placed his hand on the back of Akaashi’s head and coaxed it onto his shoulder. “I know there’s not a lot I can do...but at least let me be there for you.”

“K-Kou...” Akaashi finally loosened his grip on the sheets, reaching out to wrap his arms around Bokuto’s neck as he cried into his shoulder. The sheets fell onto the mattress quietly, staring at the embracing pair as Bokuto stroked Akaashi’s hair comfortingly. Akaashi lifted his head to expose his glassy newburg-green eyes and the tear tracks staining his face. Bokuto gently flicked the last of his tears away and lovingly kissed him as he held Akaashi close to him. 

“It’s okay...” Bokuto whispered to him warmly, as if soothing a crying child. “I’m here.”

“I...” 

_I’m so tired..._

No one was to blame—he burdened himself with stress and pressure. The need to accomplish tasks with more efficiency and accuracy, the need to handle everything he was assigned and the need to avoid being a burden at all costs—he would set impossible deadlines for himself, and reprimanded himself harshly when he made even a single, meagre mistake. 

_Faster, faster, get it done faster! Make sure...make sure everything is correct, so that I don’t serve as a bother to anyone!_

_Everything...needs to be perfect._

“Take it easy.”

Bokuto said in a low, husky voice, his voice seemed almost ear-shattering in the hushed surroundings. Akaashi buried his face in Bokuto’s chest and his tears gradually stopped falling, his ragged breathing regaining its usual rhythm. Bokuto looked down, his gaze falling onto his shivering partner, a pained look flashing in his luminous golden eyes. He hugged him even closer, trying to make him forget all the stress he had forced upon himself. 

“Kou...” Akaashi bit his lip, his voice slightly hoarse and muffled. “I’m sorry.

“Sorry for what?”

“About—”

“Shh.” Bokuto placed his finger on Akaashi’s lips, silencing him. “There’s nothing for you to apologize.”

“But your wrist—”

“Keiji.”

On Bokuto’s face was a firm, serious expression he barely wore. Despite the pout that was hung on his face, his eyes spoke of warmth and worry. Hints of sadness flickered in his eyes as he turned and looked at his wrist, the sadness replaced with determination.

“Nothing hurts more than seeing you pushing yourself over your limits, sometimes unsatisfied even after you have exceeded your limits.” Bokuto murmured, his gaze never leaving his wrist. “Nothing could hurt more than seeing you in pain, muffling your cries and hiding it away from me...”

“Not even my injured wrist.”

Bokuto raised his hand, causing a wave of alarm to wash over Akaashi, who seemed to know what Bokuto was about to do. Without flinching even the slightest bit, Bokuto brought his wrist down to the mattress with force, only for his wrist to be caught by Akaashi gently with both hands.

“Idiot!” Akaashi frantically checked for injuries while putting Bokuto’s wrist close to his lips, gently grazing his skin. “Does it hurt?”

“No.”

“Thank god—”

“Keiji. Why won’t you care about yourself the same way you care about me?” Bokuto looked down, his face hinting at his sadness ever so slightly . “I may not know much about your work, but at least I know you’re not supposed to work yourself this hard!”

“I...I just didn’t want to disappoint anyone...” Akaashi murmured as a tear rolled down his cheek. “I want to make you proud...”

“Keiji... Seeing you like this doesn’t make me proud. It makes me _worried_.” Bokuto pulled Akaashi in to wrap his arms around him protectively. “I like seeing you smile, Keiji, I like seeing you enjoy yourself. Not lock yourself up in a room and push yourself until you break down. Keiji, please understand...it hurts to see you in pain...”

“I’m sorry, Kou...” Akaashi whispered between muffled cries. “I didn’t mean to worry you...”

“Take it easy, take it slow. Sometimes it’s easier that way—just like what you told me when we were still in Fukurodani’s volleyball team. You always told me to slow down, didn’t you? Or else the ball won’t make it over the net.”

“Hehe...I did tell you that, didn’t I?”

Bokuto nuzzled the tip of Akaashi’s nose with his, bringing a shy, content smile to Akaashi’s face. Slowly, their lips found their way to each other, both melting in each other’s warmth. Their kiss deepened with every changing angle, the pressure on Akaashi’s shoulders dissolving into the dimly lit surroundings. They pulled apart, the affection in Bokuto’s eyes intensifying as he caressed Akaashi’s cheek, bringing a soft shade of sakura to his cheeks.

“It’s okay to take a break, you know...”

Under the cerulean skies, the street lights flickered along with the shimmering stars. In Akaashi’s hemlock-green eyes, Bokuto’s reflection glinted for a split second before disappearing as he pulled Akaashi in again, resting his chin on Akaashi’s shoulder.

“I’m here, Keiji.” Bokuto closed his eyes and smiled as Akaashi’s grip on him tightened. “Here for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading till the end! I hope you've enjoyed reading it! <3  
> Your support is greatly appreciated and honestly means everything to me! It would be my outmost honour if this was to your liking~! <3


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